Sunday, January 24th, 1988
Copps Coliseum
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
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Off The Grid, Volume 53:
Well, this is the first ever televised Royal Rumble and it was given away on cable TV to counter the Bunkhouse Stampede. It's been a minute since I've seen this show and nothing is really coming back to me as far as memories, so this is basically a fresh re-watch. Jesse Ventura and Vince McMahon are our hosts tonight.
Rick Rude vs. Ricky Steamboat
There can only be one Rick. This one will settle that. Steamboat is over here and gets the best of Rude at the start. Rude gets Steamboat to agree to a test of strength and Rude gets Steamboat to his knees. Steamboat is able to take Rude down and then works on the arm of Rude. Kudos to the lady in the hat that has the hands that clap on them, who is having the time of her life in this match. Steamboat really was the prototype for 80s wrestling babyfaces. He's so smooth here and always knows when to make his comebacks. The action goes outside and Rude hits a body slam onto the mats. Rude puts on a variation of the Camel Clutch and then Steamboat counters out with an electric chair. Steamboat goes for a splash, but Rude gets the knees up. We get a series of pin attempts from both men, but none are successful. Rude hits a clothesline and Steamboat kicks out at 2. Steamboat blocks the suplex and hits one of his own. Steamboat leaps off the top rope, but Rude throws the referee in the way and he hits him instead. Rude puts Steamboat up in a variation of a backbreaker hold and the ref asks for the bell to ring. Since everyone is an idiot in 1988, we're supposed to think that Rude won the match, when it was clearly a disqualification. The referee was nowhere near Steamboat to even hear if he would have submitted. Rude goes back into the ring to confront the referee and we go to commercial break. The match was solid, but probably would have benefitted from having a minute or five shaved off.
Match Rating: **1/4
Mean Gene is with Jesse Ventura and we are getting ready for Dino Bravo's weightlifting. Ventura is his spotter and they bring out Dino and Frenchy Martin. Dino is trying to set a new record of 715 pounds in the bench press. This is compelling television. He does his warmup at 415 pounds. Dino tells the crowd that he needs complete silence to focus. He does a few other heavier lifts with ease. I can't believe anyone would ever allow this much television time to Dino Bravo lifting weights. We finally get to the world record attempt. You could have basically watched an entire episode of Cheers and came back to this show and not missed a thing. The crowd starts making noise and Bravo walks away in anger. Jesse asks the crowd to give the guy the chance whether they like him or not. Bravo does it thanks to Ventura pulling it up. Gene thinks he did, Vince questions it. This was death.
Two Out Of Three Falls Match For The WWF Women's Tag Team Championship
Glamour Girls vs. Jumping Bomb Angels
It is still amazing to me that they had tag titles in the 80s. I'm not really sure why this is a two out of three falls match either. Jesse calls out Vince for not knowing their names and Vince just calls them by the color of their tights. Would it have been so hard as to find out two peoples names? The Angels are cult legends for fans of this time period and it's easy to see why. They are in another league compared to Judy Martin and Leilani Kai. Martin hits a face first over the head powerbomb and the champs pick up the first fall into a commercial break. When we come back, the Angels get a quick pin attempt when Tateno reverses a powerbomb. Yamazaki hits an enzuigiri and tags in Tateno. Martin mostly dominates her and eventually Yamakazi is tagged in and they double team her in their corner. Yamakazi fights out of it and Nareto hits a knee drop off the top rope. The Angels both go up to the top and hit a double missile dropkick behind the referee's back and we have new champions. The crowd gives them a really nice pop showing that good wrestling can always be appreciated. This was very good for the time and the Angels still would be good by today's standards as well. They show the replay and Jesse is right, Martin's shoulder was not on the mat for the pinfall.
Match Rating: ***1/4
They talk about the backstory between Andre The Giant and Hulk Hogan and then show some of WrestleMania III. They argue over Andre getting a 3 count on Hogan and then show the Ted DiBiase saga. I'm sure that the live crowd is having the time of their life during this segment that feels like forever. We finally get to the ring with Mean Gene for the contract signing. Jack Tunney is here along with Hogan, DiBiase, Andre and Virgil. This is just more death. This feels like I have been watching 30 minutes of nothing so far. Hogan and Andre finally sit down at this tiny table and Hogan hesitates. DiBiase berates him for it and then Hogan finally signs it. Even scumbag Vince thinks this could have been over 5 minutes ago. Andre finally signs it and then he slams Hogan's head into the table. This was horrendous television.
Royal Rumble
Fink goes over the rules and we already have the first two in the ring, Bret Hart and Tito Santana. We do have a countdown on the screen, but the crowd can't see it. #3 is Butch Reed. I think he's going to have a great career here in the WWF. Jim Neidhart is #4, which leaves Tito in a bad spot. Jake Roberts is #5 and he's able to run in and eliminate Reed to a big pop. Harley Race is #6 and I will say the crowd is really into this so far. Ventura loves the match concept. Boy, was he wrong. Out comes #7, Jim Brunzell. #8 is Sam Houston, future nobody. The Hart Foundation chuck Tito over the top for the next elimination. At #9, it's Danny Davis. He's my pick here. Race does the old swinging in the rope gag, which is about as phony looking as it gets. At the halfway point, #10 is Boris Zhukov. I take back what I said, he's my pick. I didn't know he was in there. Jesse is amazed at Bret being in there for 15 minutes. At #11, it's Don Muraco and Nikolai Volkoff. Muraco fends off Volkoff in a 1 second standoff. That was lame. Zhukov gets eliminated and like I said, my pick is Danny Davis. Volkoff is #12, so I'm not sure why you'd want to get into a match earlier than you need to be. Race is eliminated by Muraco. Jim Duggan is out at lucky #13. Race gets in a cheap shot on his way to the back, but it hardly phases him. He tries to get back at him, but decides to go to the match instead. Ron Bass is #14 and Brian Blair is #15. This is starting to turn into standard fare now. Hillbilly Jim is #16 and he goes right to Neidhart and dumps him out. I am slowly losing interest in this one as Dino Bravo enters at #17. The Ultimate Warrior is in at #18 and he probably should have been the one to win this. Bret is finally eliminated, and Jesse acts as if he was in there for 4 hours. One Man Gang is #19 and Junkyard Dog is the last entrant. We're starting to get quicker eliminations with the pace picking up. Duggan levels Davis with a clothesline and eliminates him. Bravo surprisingly dumps out Warrior. We finally get down to the final 3 of Bravo, One Man Gang and Duggan. Gang eliminates Bravo and we are down to our finals. Duggan is able to pull the rope down and send Gang over the top to get the victory. I love the disgust in Ventura's voice with Duggan winning. This one is kind of hard to rate, but it wasn't as bad as I expected. The action was mostly decent, minus the last few entrants.
Match Rating: **1/4
Hulk Hogan gives an interview and says Andre can't beat Hulkamania. Apparently the Intuit Dome crowd can.
Two Out Of Three Falls Match
Islanders vs. Young Stallions
So this is a match that happened. It just kind of feels like they are practicing moves here and the crowd at this point is tired. I am too. Not a single thing of note really happens. The Islanders throw Paul Roma over the top and we get a countout for the first fall just in time to go to commercial break. I actually do like the Islanders and think Roma is solid. This one just isn't clicking for me though. When we come back, the Stallions are in the back getting checked on, so they show us the Hogan/Andre spot again and then to Andre, DiBiase and Virgil for an interview in the arena. I have completely lost interest in this feud. We get another commercial break and then we get the second fall of the match. I'm just being honest, I barely even watched this one. They just sell the Roma injury and then Tama hits a top rope splash on the knee of Roma for the surprising 2-0 victory.
Match Rating: 1/2*
Vince and Jesse recap the show. They fight about the Dino Bravo lift scandal as if anyone could possibly care about this. Even this is brutally long. They finally put this show out its misery.
This was just such a dull show. The Rumble and women's matches were both pretty fun, but a lot of the rest dragged on so long and was full of stuff I couldn't care less about. The Bravo and Hogan stuff in particular were absolutely a challenge to watch.
Overall Rating: 40%
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