Monday, July 4th, 2005
ARCO Arena
Sacramento, California
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Carlito is out for Carlito's Cabana, where he claims there are fireworks every night. His guest tonight is Hulk Hogan, who comes out to a big pop. Carlito says that Hogan being on Carlito's Cabana is the biggest moment of Hogan's career. Carlito asks why he didn't bring Brooke because she is hot, which leads to Hogan attacking Carlito. Kurt Angle is out now and asks who cares about Hogan's daughter when he's making Shawn Michaels and Ric Flair tap out. Angle reminds Hogan that last time they faced off, he made him tap out as well. He says the person he wants to make tap out more than anyone though is Brooke. Hogan attacks Angle, but then Carlito gets him from behind and they start double teaming Hogan until Michaels makes the save. Teddy Long somewhere is screaming at his television to make tonight's main event. This was pretty rushed and kind of awkward. Keep in mind that grown men are talking about his 17 year old daughter. Nope, not creepy at all.
Edge & Snitsky vs. Kane & The Big Show
Edge quickly tags in Snitsky to get away from Kane. JR reminds us of the irony that is Snitsky and Lita partnering together. Big Show is in and nails Snitsky with some clotheslines. Kane starts chasing Lita to the back as we head to commercial break. Back from the break, and Snitsky is working on Big Show's leg after Edge took out his leg on an illegal double team. Edge and Snitsky hit a double shoulder block from the second rope, but Big Show easily kicks out. He hits a double suplex and he and Snitsky are both down. Hot tag to Kane and he hits a big boot on Snitsky. He hits a sidewalk slam and then goes up top and hits the top rope clothesline. He throws Edge into the ring, who then immediately eats a headbutt from Big Show. Edge is clotheslined out of the ring and Kane hits a chokeslam on Snitsky for the victory. This was a pretty standard TV tag team match, but the crowd was pretty into it.
Match Rating: *1/2 (out of 5)
Todd Grisham was outside Eric Bischoff's office when Shawn Michaels walks out and informs us that he and Hulk Hogan will take on Carlito and Kurt Angle tonight.
The Heart Throbs vs. Viscera
The Heart Throbs remind Lilian of what happened at Vengeance and try to impress her. Lilian can't even announce Viscera. 2005 was a weird time. Viscera immediately slams both men. He charges at both, but they get their feet up. A double shoulder block takes Viscera down and they continue the attack. The Heart Throbs crotch Viscera on the ring post and the ref calls for the bell. The Heart Throbs after the match put their boas around Lilian and kiss her on the cheek. Somehow this just keeps continuing. You can probably guess how good this was.
Match Rating: 1/4*
They show the Divas and then Jericho getting ready.
Maria announces that there was a trade and that the newest member of Raw is Chavo Guerrero, who now has bleach blonde hair and wearing yacht club clothes. Chavo says that he has underachieved and it's because of his Hispanic heritage holding him back. He said that he has decided to join middle class America and now has legally changed his name to Kerwin White. He then calls Maria stupid. This was a thing that happened.
Hurricane, Rosey and Stacy are here with sparklers. He talks about safety and how they use a Hurrabucket to properly put out their sparklers. Meanwhile, Rosey's hand catches on fire.
Maria is still upset and in comes John Cena. He tells her to show her strengths and hide her weaknesses. Not a moment Cena would probably be proud of.
It's Highlight Reel time with Chris Jericho. He insults Carlito's Cabana and introduces John Cena. Jericho talks about Cena's success, but then lists his own personal successes including playing the Download Fest in front of 50,000 fans. He shows a clip of it on the insanely expensive Jeritron 5000. Cena says this is a one sided interview and starts to leave. Jericho grabs him back in and continues rambling on about how great he is. Jericho tells him that he can take that WWE Championship away from him any time he wants to. Cena says that he remembers when Raw really was Raw is Jericho, but now he's a cheap version of himself. Jericho slaps him and Cena takes him down and they start brawling. The refs pull Jericho away and Cena grabs an inflatable hand from the crowd and uses it to flip Jericho off.
It's Diva Search time...Coach and Christy introduce Sgt. Slaughter for the Bikini Boot Camp. One of the girls slips on her way out. Whoever gets the fastest time this week, gains immunity for next week's vote. Just in case you weren't sure this would take forever as it is, they have Coach run the obstacle course. Layla has a wardrobe malfunction and is disqualified. God, I can't believe this was on television. Simona, Alexis and Cameron do absolutely terrible. Elisabeth is the winner with 35 seconds and is safe for a week.
Val Venis vs. Rene Dupree
How do you follow up a thrilling Diva Search segment? With a jobber match of course. Rene Dupree is announced as being part of the huge blockbuster trade that also brought over Kerwin White. So apparently Raw got Dupree, Chavo, Mark Jindrak, Kenzo Suzuki, Hiroko and Danny Basham. Suzuki and Hiroko are about to get released and Jindrak will make all of one Raw appearance according to trusty Wikipedia. Meanwhile, SmackDown got William Regal, Candice Michelle, Sylvain Grenier, Simon Dean and Stevie Richards. So it basically ended up being Chavo for Regal in the end. Dupree says that he is simply phenomenal and that Val is simply pathetic. Venis goes after him and hits a side Russian leg sweep. Dupree however hangs him on the second rope and starts throwing fists. Val makes a comeback and gets a 2 count. Dupree then out of nowhere pins Venis by putting his feet on the rope. What an impact win there.
Match Rating: 1/4*
Kurt Angle and Carlito are with Todd Grisham. Carlito says that no one disrespects them and gets away with it. Angle says that he is going to snap someones ankle tonight, he doesn't care who.
Carlito & Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels & Hulk Hogan
Hogan and Carlito lock up and Hogan of course throws him across the ring. In comes Angle and Hogan tosses him as well. Hogan and Michaels toss both men out of the ring and are celebrating as we go into the commercial break. Back from the break and Angle is working on Michaels. Michaels fights him off and hits an elbow from the top rope. Michaels starts tuning up the band, but Carlito distracts him and then heats a right hand. Hogan has the ref distracted and Carlito hits Michaels with a knee to the back, allowing Angle to take control. Carlito and Angle cut the ring in half by making multiple tags. Michaels counters an Angle Slam with a DDT and both men are down. Hogan gets the hot tag and hits the standard Hogan comeback on Carlito. He tosses Angle over the top rope. He hits the boot and leg drop and that's all for Carlito. This was pretty much exactly what you would expect it would be, which you can almost say about every Hogan match ever. Hogan and Michaels celebrate until Michaels nails him with Sweet Chin Music. Michaels looks down on Hogan for a long time and then walks to the back as the show goes off the air. Good ending to a fun match.
Match Rating: **1/2
If you prefer the entertainment aspect of sports entertainment, perhaps this one was better for you than it was for me. It's hard for me to get behind a show that has so much time devoted to talking and obstacle courses. Not to mention how awful the Viscera stuff was and the Diva Search is already a pure embarrassment. On the bright side, the Hogan/Michaels and Jericho/Cena feuds are off to good starts as the build to SummerSlam begins.
Overall Rating: 49%
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