Monday, September 25th, 2006
Ford Center
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Follow me on Twitter: @WorkTheNetwork2
After the pyro, the lights apparently appear to go out and only the spotlights are working. The Titan Tron is also off and Lilian Garcia's microphone isn't working either. Candice Michelle's music hits but with no video.
WWE Women's Championship Tournament First Round Match
Candice Michelle vs. Lita
Apparently this is the first night of the tournament to take Trish's title. They are using a wired microphone for now here. Lita grabs it and says that the title should just be given back to her. She did talk to Coach and he agreed that she should be able to select her own referee and she chooses Edge. They keep using the wide arena shot for some reason. I guess just to show how unique the show looks. Edge runs and hits Candice with a Spear and Lita gets the victory just before John Cena can come out and make the save. Edge and Lita run off and Cena checks on Candice. This really wasn't a match.
Match Rating: 1/4*
When we come back from commercial, the lights are on and Cena's on a wireless mic. Out come Edge and Lita and he said he's not going to use his rematch clause tonight. Cena then makes more derogatory and cringeworthy jokes about Lita. Cena then says that is for Toby Keith and JR. Toby Keith, there's a great musician. Lita says that she's sick of her making fun of her. Lita then uses the W word a whole lot. That word is wrestler, which I'm sure Vince was thrilled about. Edge says that he's not going to listen to Cena talk any more. Cena made a comment about Lita not being able to beat him with one arm tied behind her back. Edge accepts that challenge for Lita, which Lita doesn't seem too thrilled about.
They show some clips of the WWE performing in Mexico.
Intercontinental Championship Match
Kane vs. Johnny Nitro
Oh good. Kane. Melina reluctantly does her entrance and then Kane throws Nitro right out of the ring after he slides in. Kane hits a side suplex and in comes Melina, which allows Nitro to go after his knee. According to JR, Coach has banned Umaga from interfering in this match. Nitro goes off the top and eats a big boot. Kane has Nitro up for a Tombstone and out comes Umaga, who hits him with a chair. So much for the Coach. Umaga continues to attack him and uses the steps to hit Kane in the head. This was hardly a match and of course, Nitro looked like a goof.
Match Rating: 1/4*
Shawn Michaels is reading WWE Magazine and he and Triple shill their merch. Out comes Maria to ask about which teams are in their gauntlet match tonight. Maria thinks the 2 words are "no way". So, Triple H whispers what they are and then she whispers to Eugene and he passes out.
Coach approaches Shelton Benjamin, who is talking to Torrie and Chloe. Coach is mad because of Shelton's accusations of discrimination. In comes Jeff Hardy and we get some more cringeworthy moments here that lead to Shelton getting a match with Hardy. Edge and Lita then walk out of Coach's office and that leads to Lita's match being No Holds Barred. Coach then also says that Edge is not allowed to touch Cena or he will lose his title rematch against Cena.
Mikey vs. Ric Flair
Mikey's able to hit a second rope elbow drop and then repeatedly slaps Flair in the face. Flair turns it around and hits some chops, but Mikey comes back with an elbow. Mikey goes off the second rope again and Flair hits him in the midsection on the way down. He hits some more chops and already looks out of breath. Nicky comes in and Flair throws him out of the ring. Flair then picks up the victory. This was horrible. It's amazing that Flair charged to have his retirement match 16 years after this.
Match Rating: 1/4*
DX is out and they show us a highlight reel of their match at Unforgiven.
Tag Team Gauntlet Match
Shawn Michaels & Triple H vs. Highlanders
It's clear they're trying to make tonight's show a little different. Of course, Shawn and Triple H distract them, Shawn hits Sweet Chin Music and that's all for that.
Shawn Michaels & Triple H vs. Charlie Haas & Viscera
This week's Sunday Night Heat is brought to you by Stridex. Haas actually gets to punch Triple H a few times. He gets to poke Michaels in the eye and tags in Big Vis. He hits a sidewalk slam and does some dancing. We get a commercial break, which I'm sure would be enough for you to have turned it back to Monday Night Football and never turn back. As this match bores me to tears, I discovered that this was the night of the Hurricane Katrina return of the Saints, which was really one of the great moments on Monday Night Football that I can remember. Shawn hits Sweet Chin Music on Viscera and he falls on Haas, so they sit on them and pin him.
Shawn Michaels & Triple H vs. Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch
We get some brawling to start and they blow a spot where Cade pulls down the top rope. Michaels saves the spot quickly though and ends up on the floor after Murdoch dumps him. They throw Triple H into the steps. We get chairs in the ring and the ref calls for the bell. DX get the last laugh after the double DQ finish. This was absolutely horrible. All of it.
Match Rating: 1/4*
Lilian Garcia introduces Toby Keith and that leads into a Cryme Tyme vignette. This time they kick a guy in the face at an ATM.
Jeff Hardy vs. Shelton Benjamin
Hardy seems to have already lost his momentum since his return a little bit. Obviously he would gain that back over time, but he already feels like just a guy. Shelton knocks Hardy off the apron and into the barricade. Of course it doesn't help that Shelton is clearly dead in the water also. Hardy is able to hit a jawbreaker and some clotheslines. Hardy hits Whisper In The Wind and gets a 2 count. Hardy goes up top, but Shelton leaps up to meet him. Hardy knocks him off and hits the Swanton, but Shelton is too close to the ropes and gets his foot on the bottom one. Hardy goes for Twist Of Fate, but Shelton holds onto the rope. Hardy rolls him up with an inside cradle and that gets the victory. They had no heat and they both looked unmotivated here.
Match Rating: 3/4*
Randy Orton & Chris Masters vs. Super Crazy & Carlito
This one of those matches that it's kind of crazy that it actually took place and made sense. Masters hits a big powerbomb on Crazy, but Carlito breaks up the pin attempt. In comes Orton to put on the reverse chinlock. Carlito gets a hot tag, but the crowd isn't too hot any more. Crazy hits a sunset flip off the second rope into a seated dropkick on Masters. He misses with a moonsault and Orton hits him with his backbreaker. Carlito dumps him out of the ring and then Masters slaps on the Master Lock, but can't lock his fingers. Carlito leaps over Masters and hits the Backstabber for the victory. Orton sneaks back in the ring and hits the RKO on Carlito to remind us that he's above all of this midcard junk. This was decent, but again no one cared.
Match Rating: *1/2
Coach is out and introduces Eric Bischoff to the ring. It's been nearly a year since he was "fired". He's here to talk about his book, which for some reason I actually read. Bischoff says there would have been no Mr. McMahon without Eric Bischoff and then they cut him off. Out come Edge and Lita.
No Holds Barred Match With One Arm Tied Behind John Cena's Back
Lita vs. John Cena
Lita is able to hit a thumb between the eye and a low blow after an Edge distraction. Cena blocks the next slap, throws her up on his back and hits the FU for the victory. Now that's a main event.
Match Rating: 1/4*
Out comes Finlay, William Regal and King Booker to promote Cena's return to SmackDown on Friday. They hit Cena with the shillelagh and then Booker hits some of the weakest looking kicks I have ever seen. Finlay hits Cena again with the shillelagh in the ribs. This attack is...long. It says there are still 6 minutes left on the show. Book grabs the mic and says that Cena is going to kiss his royal foot tonight. No one makes the save and Cena gets his face shoved in Booker's foot. I can't overemphasize enough how long this was. They could have accomplished all of this in like 2 minutes. After all of that, Edge still gets on the mic to let us know that next week will use his rematch clause next week in a steel cage. Those type of announcements always go over well with the live crowd.
Man, this show was terrible. I don't know if they just knew they were going to get destroyed by Monday Night Football or what, but this was as stale as it gets. The power going out and Toby Keith were just the icing on the cake.
Overall Rating: 30%
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