Monday, October 14th, 1996
Hersheypark Arena
Hershey, Pennsylvania
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Well, what do you know? I get to actually watch an episode of Raw. We get a hype video for Steve Austin vs. Shawn Michaels tonight. We then go to the arena with Vader's music playing and we have Jim Ross and Kevin Kelly as your announce team. Um, sure?
Vader vs. Phineas Godwinn
They have the Buried Alive tombstone right in the center of the entranceway. They announce that Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler will be back to announcing next week, not that I'll be able to see it. JR brings up Kevin Dunn while I am stuck listening to the awful and always way too loud fake Godwinn music. Vader goes right after the PIG man and JR says that he will be here next week no matter what Kevin Dunn says. I'm glad this is the focal point of this match. Vader is dominating until Sid comes out and lets him know that he's from Arkansas too. The distraction works and Phineas clotheslines Vader to the floor. Phineas hits a body slam and that doesn't even get a reaction. He sets up for the Slop Drop, but Vader hangs on to the ropes and knocks Phineas down. He sets him up for the Vader Bomb and hits it for the victory. The crowd did not care about this and neither did the announcers.
Match Rating: 3/4*
JR is in the ring and brings out Mr. Perfect, who is 100% for sure going to make his return to the ring next week. He cuts the exact promo you would expect from Mr. Perfect in 1996.
Jerry Lawler vs. Jake Roberts
Jerry Lawler is doing his usual schtick in the ring for the live crowd while JR is saying that he has always carried Lawler when announcing. Out comes Jake with no shirt on and he is under the influence. Gorilla comes out to check on Roberts into the commercial break. He lets him wrestle and Lawler is still shouting out trash talk to Roberts. The bell rings and Jake kicks Lawler and hits the DDT for the win. Kevin Kelly shouts "Jake Roberts is not drunk!". Yeah, this announce team stinks. Jake grabs his alcohol and pours it on Lawler's face before putting the snake on Lawler.
Match Rating: 1/4*
We now get a "Real" Double J video. We see him singing with Jim Johnston in a studio, who even gets a speaking line. Next week we get to hear about his Desert Storm story.
Freddie Joe Floyd vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley
It's jobber with a gimmick time. This match is pretty dull here so far. Helmsley hits a suplex and out comes Mr. Perfect. He starts talking to Helmsley's valet and Floyd hits a back body drop. Helmsley hits an inverted atomic drop and then turns his attention to Perfect. Perfect has a key to the valet's handcuff and sets her free. I honestly didn't even realize that Helmsley handcuffed her to the ring post. Helmsley hits the Pedigree and doesn't finish the pin attempt because he sees Perfect walk away. He goes after him and Perfect hits him with a big right hand. Helmsey is counted out and this was useless.
Match Rating: 1/2*
Austin lets us know it's the bottom line because he said so.
Next week, it's the return of Mr. Perfect against Hunter Hearst Helmsley.
Out comes Sunny she does the big picture of her over the ring again. Then we go to Mankind and Paul Bearer in the rain at a cemetery. Mankind says it won't be him that's buried and that he'll laugh himself to sleep. Paul then blames the creatures of the night for this happening.
Alex Porteau vs. Faarooq
Sunny joins the announce team and they talk about how Faarooq and her had an amicable split mostly because it was a terrible pairing. Unfortunately, Faarooq has not made an amicable split with the foam helmet. JR then starts ripping on Vince for making him wear the head gear. This is a squash and the Dominator finishes it off.
Match Rating: 1/4*
We go to Faarooq talking on the phone to Ahmed Johnson on Livewire. They go back and forth a little bit. Always good to see Livewire featured on the A show.
As Austin is entering, we go to the cemetery this time with Undertaker. He cuts his same stupid promo that he always does.
Steve Austin vs. Shawn Michaels
Kevin Kelly keeps saying that this is the biggest match in Raw history. There are less than 8 minutes left in the episode. Something tells me that this won't live up to that hype. We instantly go to Vader and Jim Cornette watching the match backstage. We're under 6 minutes and nothing has happened so far. They now go to Sid backstage. Sid's laughing because Vader thinks he's going to win at Buried Alive. They both sort of come close to hitting their finisher and then we go into commercial. Out comes Vader and Michaels attacks him and the referee rings the bell. Out comes Savio Vega, who is supposed to wrestle Austin Sunday. Then fake Razor and fake Diesel are out. Sid comes out and he and Michaels start arguing. We get a little more brawling with Sid and Shawn working together and that's all. This was like the first 6 minutes of a potentially good match. The ending was not particularly good.
Match Rating: *
Who is in charge of picking the shows that go on Netflix? They should be fired. Between the terrible announcing, the dead crowd and the bad matches, this was not a good show.
Overall Rating: 32%
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