WrestleMania 13 Review

Sunday, March 23rd, 1997
Rosemont Horizon
Rosemon, Illinois

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We get the standard serious hype video that we are accustomed to seeing before most of the pay per views from this era. The focus is naturally on the 3 big matches, as most of the rest of the card is pretty much filler. We go to the arena with some pretty low budget pyro compared to the new Raw Is War intro. Even with this being in possibly WWF's best city in terms of vibes in Chicago, the crowd is pretty tame. 

WWF Tag Team Championship #1 Contender Four-Way Elimination Match 
Godwinns vs. Furnas & Lafon vs. Headbangers vs. New Blackjacks

The New Blackjacks actually get a quick promo during the entrances. I guess they just wanted to remind us how dumb of an idea it is to do a "new" anything. We then get a sloppy looking suplex from Bradshaw to Furnas to the floor. The winner of this match will take on the tag team champs tomorrow. Bradshaw decides to shove the referee to the ground and gets himself eliminated. They got a promo and then got eliminated within minutes? Then they also count out Furnas and Lafon? What a weird match. Also, why is this the opening match of WrestleMania. I know philosophies have shifted through the years, but I don't think I would have gone with this match. Mosh hits a dive off the turnbuckle onto Henry on the apron. Mosh then throws Thrasher from the top rope onto Henry on the floor. King then asks Vince if he owns any White Zombie CDs. Mosh misses with a moonsault and that allows for the hot tag to Phineas. The Godwinn's face run seems to be basically over here, as the crowd doesn't respond to them like they used to. Phineas goes for the Slop Drop but Thrasher breaks it up and all four men are in the ring. Mosh hits the Stage Dive for the victory and I remember being surprised with the outcome at the time. This was not very good and I'm not really even sure why they bothered with having the four teams in the match. Good for the Headbangers though. 

Match Rating: 3/4*

We get an In Your House promo and then go to the Honky Tonk Man in the ring before joining the announce team.

Intercontinental Championship Match
Sultan vs. Rocky Maivia

The Sultan came in and just felt like a midcard act with no heat and then they put him in this spot and you wonder why Rocky Maivia couldn't get over. Obviously, the relationship between Fatu and Rocky was the reason for it, but no one was buying Sultan as a serious threat. I mean the first match didn't exactly light the crowd on fire and this one is boring them to tears. I actually have enjoyed Rocky more than I remember from the little I have been able to see in the rewatch so far, but this one just isn't working. After a long rest spot, we get a double clothesline spot. Rocky makes his comeback and hits a dropkick and a belly to belly suplex for a 2 count. Rocky hits a tornado DDT and that wakes up the crowd. Rocky hits a top rope crossbody but the referee is distracted by Iron Sheik. Sultan tries to attack from behind but Rocky is ready for it. Sultan recovers and hits a kick to the face. Sultan hits a piledriver and that gets a 2 count. Rocky then rolls up Sultan out of nowhere and picks up the win. It's safe to say that there would be better days ahead for Rocky. JR tries to interview Rocky after the match and Sultan immediately attacks him and we get Honky Tonk Man yelling into the mic. We've got Vince calling Sultan a sore loser as he hits a top rope splash. Sheik then puts on the Camel Clutch while Sultan slaps him in the face. Out comes Rocky Johnson and he takes down Sultan. Sultan hits Rocky Johnson with the flag and then rips his shirt off. Rocky Maivia comes back and knocks out Sultan and then hits a scoop slam on Sheik. Rocky Johnson then does one before hitting him with a double right hand. I'm sure this was an awesome moment for the family, but this was all really poorly done. 

Match Rating: 1/2*

We go to Todd Pettengill and he's backstage with Ken Shamrock. He talks about showing Billy Gunn who he is on Raw. He's here tonight to be a referee because he knows submission. 

We then go to Dok Hendrix and he's with Chyna and Hunter Hearst Helmsley. He says that Marlena will be the big loser here tonight. 

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Goldust

This is our first actual feud of the night. By 1997 standards, this is easily a WrestleMania worthy match. I'm surprised they didn't give Goldust a promo spot here. Goldust goes for the psychological warfare before exploding with some quick offense. The Chyna build has been intriguing so far, as she was unlike anything that had ever been presented in WWF. Goldust gets Hunter tied up in the top two ropes and hits him with some right hands. He gives him a kick to the face as he's being helped out of the ropes for good measure. Goldust comes back with that big signature scoop slam and then heads up to the top rope. Hunter meets him there and goes for a superplex but it's blocked. Hunter is able to throw Goldust to the outside and Goldust's face hit the ring. Hunter hits a neckbreaker and gets a 2 count. We get lots of jokes about Chyna's appearance. Goldust makes a comeback, but it's short lived as he ducks too early and Hunter turns it into a DDT. Goldust is able to sneak in a couple pin attempts until Hunter levels him with a clothesline. Goldust attempts another comeback and it leads to them colliding in the middle of the ring. The crowd is not disinterested, but it feels like they are waiting for the Chyna spot. Hunter goes off the top and Goldust turns around and hits him with his butt. I don't remember that spot. Hunter charges at Goldust but misses in the corner. Goldust hits a back body drop and a bulldog. Chyna starts to move towards Marlena. Goldust goes for the Curtain Call but Hunter escapes. He goes for the pedigree, but Goldust counters that into a catapult. He sets him up for a Curtain Call again but sees Chyna by Marlena. Goldust lets go and picks up Marlena on the apron. Hunter knocks Goldust into Marlena and right into the arms of Chyna. Hunter hits the Pedigree and that's all she wrote. This was pretty standard stuff overall. They executed well and it never was boring, but it never really got exciting. 

Match Rating: **1/2

Goldust carries Marlena to the back and then we get the infamous shot of Shawn Michaels typing in the AOL chat room area. 

WWF Tag Team Championship Match
Vader & Mankind vs. Owen Hart & British Bulldog

JR goes out to interview Bulldog and Owen on their way to the ring. They yell at him for trying to stir the pot, but when JR asks who the leader of the team is, Owen says that it's him. This is such a thrown together match for four guys who really were heavily involved in a lot of storylines. Vader pounds away on Owen in the corner to start off the match. Vince says that this is the best condition that Vader has been in since being in the WWF. I'm guessing that was genuine in a negative way. I love the narrative that they didn't get the Vader from WCW. Well, I mean he is 41 years old here. Most big men aren't as good in their 40s as they were in their 30s. To go along with that, while I do agree he isn't as good as he was in like 1993, he still is a very high level performer, not some scrub. Meanwhile, Bulldog hits a double clothesline on his opponents and that gets a cheer from the crowd. Owen follows up with a double dropkick. The crowd has really not had a ton to cheer for tonight, so why not give them a heel vs. heel tag team match? Bulldog hits a vertical suplex on Vader and then goes to work on Mankind. Vader hits a big splash off the turnbuckle and the announce team is shocked that it didn't put Bulldog down for the count. I also just noticed that Peacock still has all the old Saturday Night's Main Events, so I may start sprinkling those in to break up the timeline a little bit. Vader climbs up the turnbuckles and Bulldog is able to slam him. He gets the tag to Owen and he hits the missile dropkick. He goes for a sunset flip and Vader goes for a splash, but Owen moves. Owen hits a top rope crossbody and that gets a 2 count. Vader then clobbers Owen off the ropes to slow down the comeback. The match starts to break down a little bit and it leads to Mankind hitting Demolition Decapitation off the ring apron. They show that Stu and Helen Hart are at ringside, which leads to some King jokes. They start talking about WrestleMania 2 being in this arena and Vince acknowledges that the first ever pay per view, The Wrestling Classic, was in this arena. Vince then says SummerSlam, even though it was at United Center. They kind of turn it into Chicago, which is accurate. Owen finally gets a tag into Bulldog and he cleans house. Mankind is able to slip on the Mandible Claw in a counter and now all 4 men are in the ring. Vader knocks Mankind and Bulldog out to the floor. Mankind has the Claw back on Bulldog outside the ring. They announce that this is a double countout, which is just such a terrible finish at WrestleMania. They had no story here and didn't want either team to lose, so why even book this? The guys put in a decent effort, but they had nothing to work with from a storyline point of view. 

Match Rating: **1/4

It's time for a Todd-narrated hype video for the Bret Hart/Steve Austin match. 

Submission Match
Steve Austin vs. Bret Hart

Shamrock is in the ring already after the video package. They go right at it as you would expect and we are underway. It doesn't take long for this one to leave the ring and they are into the crowd. The crowd is eating it all up, which is no surprise. This is the best feud WWF has had in years. Bret goes after the knee and then slaps on the Figure Four on the ring post to a huge pop. Bret wraps the chair on Austin's ankle and then climbs the turnbuckles. Austin gets out and slams the chair into Bret for another big pop. They have the crowd in the palm of their hands here. Any wrestler should dream of being able to have a match where the crowd is this invested and having an opponent who is your perfect match. Austin is busted open and Bret is wailing away on the injured knee of Austin. Bret goes for the Sharpshooter but Austin is able to rake the eyes out of desperation. Austin stomps a mudhole in Bret in the corner and sets up Bret on the top rope. Austin hits a superplex and both men are spent. Austin has a cable and starts choking Bret but Bret hits him with a ring bell. Bret gets the Sharpshooter on in the middle of the ring and Austin is fighting it as much as he can. Shamrock is continuously checking in on him but Austin is fading. He starts to fight it back and looks to have kicked out of it but Bret is able to hold on. Austin continues to fight and then appears to pass out. Shamrock gets no response and decides to ring the bell. JR makes sure we know that he never gave up here. There is nothing that I can say that hasn't been said before about this. Absolutely one of the greatest matches in the history of professional wrestling. I don't know how a wrestling fan could really give this less than a perfect score. After the bell, Bret attacks Austin until Shamrock throws him across the ring. Shamrock challenges him but Bret wisely walks away to loud boos from the crowd. Austin is up in the ring and gives another referee a Stunner and walks to the back on his own.

Match Rating: *****

JR hypes up that the fans were chanting "Austin" to hammer home the face turn here. We go back to Todd with the Nation backstage. Faarooq gives a quick promo ahead of their entrance.

Chicago Street Fight
Faarooq, Savio Vega & Crush vs. Ahmed Johnson & Legion Of Doom

They announce that WrestleMania XIV will be in Boston next year. Ahmed is out wearing the black and red shoulder pads and I can verify that he has never looked cooler. LOD is wearing the black and silver, which I think is the first time they have in WWF? They bring down the kitchen sink also. Classic wrestling humor. The faces get rid of the goons first and then it's quickly to the outside for some brawling. Ahmed does a somersault over the guardrail onto Crush. I'm telling you, there is a timeline where Ahmed stays healthy and has a great run with WWF. Animal tries to hit a piledriver on Faarooq on a table that looks like it can barely support them and he sort of half does it and then just falls over. Animal hits Faarooq with some smoke from the fire extinguisher after and Savio is nailing guys with a trash can. The direction by Kevin Dunn hasn't been very good here. We have missed quite a bit of action with some odd timing choices. The smoke from the extinguisher looks like someone threw a dustpan instead. They have a noose around Ahmed's neck now. Hawk is able to break it up but he ends up with the noose around his neck. Faarooq goes up to the top but Hawk takes the rope with the noose and pulls him to the floor. We get some more fire extinguisher action and Ahmed is setting Faarooq up for the Pearl River Plunge. The rest of the Nation comes in to break it up. Animal gets Crush up on his shoulders and Hawk hits the Doomsday Device. Ahmed and Hawk then use the 2 x 4 to clothesline him and that's the finish. The brawl continues and the faces hit some more finishers on the sidekicks. The match was sloppy, but entertaining enough. 

Match Rating: **1/2

Shawn Michaels is out to join the announce team. We then go to Sid and Todd. He says that only one person is not scared of the darkness and it's him. 

No Holds Barred Match For The WWF Championship Match
Undertaker vs. Sid

The two big men are face to face and then here comes Bret and he grabs a mic. Bret calls Shawn a faker and tells him to go find his smile and stay out of this match. Bret then says that Undertaker shut the door on their friendship when he slammed the cage door on him. He then tells Sid that the title belongs to him and that Sid is a fraud. Sid clubs him and gives him a powerbomb. Sid is talking trash and then Taker attacks him and we are now officially started. Oh good, Sid puts on a bear hug in the first couple minutes. The announcers let us know that Sid and Undertaker requested that this be a no holds barred match as Sid slams Taker onto the French announce table. Taker kicks out of a pin attempt and now it's time for a Camel Clutch. Sid comes off the second rope and hits a double ax handle. Taker comes back and hits a leaping clothesline, but Sid is back up and hits him with a kick to the chest. Back outside the ring they go and Taker clotheslines Sid over the guardrail. That corner of the ringside area is getting their money's worth with these past few matches. We get another rest hold from Sid, so they hype up In Your House. Taker hits another clothesline and gets a 2 count. We get a double boot spot and both men are down. Sid is up and hits another second rope ax handle. He goes for a third one and this time it backfires. Sid still continues to work on Taker and then climbs to the top rope. Taker sits up and crotches him. Taker then powerslams him off the top rope and now Taker climbs to the top. He hits another clothesline and it's still not enough. Taker goes for the Tombstone but Sid counters it and hits Taker with a Tombstone. He goes for the Taker-style cover and Taker kicks out at 2. Out comes Bret Hart again and he nails Sid in the back with a chair. Back in the ring, Taker hits a chokeslam and Sid gets the shoulder up at 2. We get an awkward looking spot where Taker maybe went for another clothesline and Sid ducked out of the way. Taker just looked like he thought he was going to get a knee to the midsection. Bret is out again and that distraction allows for Taker to hit the Tombstone to become the WWF Champion for the first time in over 5 years. That Bret ending really felt a little unnecessary, but his character was also more interesting than both of these guys. This match was a little bit better than I remembered it being, but there is no doubt that they could have shaved 5 minutes off of this and it would have benefitted greatly from that. Taker celebrates and that's all she wrote. 

Match Rating: *1/4

This really is one of the more bizarre WrestleMania shows. There really is only 1 match worth watching and it is arguably the greatest match in the history of the company. Outside of a decent street fight and a big moment for Undertaker fans, this is about as forgettable show as you could have. That would be fine if it was SummerSlam or Royal Rumble, but WrestleMania was never really meant to be that way and it's kind of a shame. They just didn't have the roster depth yet to do much more than what they did here and they were just finding a groove with the main event. I just can't help but think that they could have found a better way to use Owen, Bulldog, Mankind and Vader to make this show a winner. 

Overall Rating: 55%