Sunday, January 29th, 2006
American Airlines Arena
Miami, Florida
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Cruiserweight Open For The Cruiserweight Championship
Kid Kash vs. Funaki vs. Jamie Noble vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London vs. Gregory Helms
They announce that this match is open to any former Cruiserweight Champion, which gives them a reason for Helms to be here despite being on the Raw roster. With this being Texas Tornado rules match, this is obviously chaotic. We start off with lots of pin attempts, but the first true threat is when Nunzio hits the Sicilian Slice on Helms for a 2 count. Kid Kash shoves Funaki off the top rope and onto Noble and Kash. Paul London hits a Shooting Star Press to the outside. Helms then hits a swinging neckbreaker on London off the top rope. Kash hits Dead Level on London, but the pin attempt is broken up. Noble hits a gutbuster on Funaki and puts him in a Dragon Sleeper. Helms interrupts and throws Noble out of the ring. He hits the Shining Wizard on Funaki and we have a new Cruiserweight Championship. This was an entertaining enough opening match that gave Helms something to do.
Match Rating: **1/2 (out of 5)
Teddy Long is backstage with Vince McMahon, but Vince sends him off and turns his attention to Victoria, Candice Michelle and Torrie. They are getting the numbers ready and in walks Randy Orton to draw his number. Orton is happy with his draw and then Triple H walks in. After a few jabs at Orton and innuendo at the ladies, Triple H isn't happy with his number.
Mickie James confronts guest referee Trish Stratus and she tells Trish that she loves her.
Mickie James vs. Ashley
It should be noted that the set for this show is one of the all time best. Once the action spills outside, Ashley hits a clothesline off the apron. This is already longer than I expected it to be. The action once again goes to the outside and Mickie drives Ashley into the ring post. Mickie hits a Perfect Plex for a 2 count. Ashley throws Mickie around by her hair and then gets a pin out of a crucifix for a 2 count. Trish pulls Ashley off of Mickie, who is throwing the slowest punches you will ever see. Ashley has Mickie in the corner and Mickie pulls Ashley down for a quasi-powerbomb. That actually looked like she didn't land that great there. Trish hesitates, but makes the 3 count for the Mickie victory. This was not a good match and there is no reason that should have been that long. Ashley just wasn't ready.
Match Rating: 1/4*
We're back to creepy Vince where the ladies are showing off their tattoos. It's Big Show's turn, but he can't fit his hand in to pull out a number. Show seems kind of pleased and then it's Rey Mysterio's turn. He and Show wish each other luck and Rey looks up to Eddie as if he is playing a joke on him.
JBL vs. Boogeyman
Before the match starts, JBL throws Jillian Hall at Boogeyman. This allows JBL to attack him from behind and we are underway. JBL dumps him to the outside and throws him into the steps. JBL then starts choking him as Jillian has the referee distracted. JBL misses with the Clothesline From Hell and hits his shoulder on the ring post. Boogeyman hits a pump handle powerslam and gets the clean victory over last years WrestleMania main eventer. Not having JBL in the actual Royal Rumble match for this was a mistake. This was another not so good one and you may honestly have two of the worst matches of the year back-to-back.
Match Rating: 1/2*
Shelton's mama is here and of course followed by Shelton to draw his number and he is digging it. Melina is in there and wishes Shelton the best of luck. MNM draws and seem to be ok with their numbers.
Royal Rumble Match
The introduction is interrupted by none other than the Spirit Squad. Because 2006. It's amazing the power Vince has over people. It isn't much of a surprise due to the backstage segment, but #1 is Triple H and #2 is Rey Mysterio. Mysterio comes out in Eddie's low rider. Mysterio dominates the beginning segment, but Triple H avoids a 619 just as the buzzer hits and clotheslines Mysterio. #3 is my personal favorite, Simon Dean. Dean comes in and starts attacking Mysterio as Triple watches. Dean almost throws out Mysterio. Mysterio gets back in and teams up with Triple H to get rid of Dean. Out comes #4 and it is Psicosis. That's fun. Psicosis tries to eliminate Mysterio up in a Razor's Edge position, but Mysterio counters with a hurricanrana that sends him out. Triple H hits a spinebuster just as #5 comes out and it's none other than Ric Flair. He and Trips go at it, but it's only for a short amount of time, as Triple H hits a back body drop to eliminate Flair. The clock counts down and now it's Triple H's current rival, Big Show. Show destroys Triple H and #7 is Jonathan Coachman. Coach tries to attack Show, but Show just pushes him right out of the ring for another quick elimination. He goes back to Triple H and hits a big military press slam. The crowd is very much into this match, so kudos to them. #8 is Lashley. He and Show stand face-to-face, but Show hits him with a big right hand. Lashley escapes a Chokeslam and hits a fireman's carry and kicks him under the ropes to the floor. #9 is Big Show's tag team partner, Kane. He and Lashley start slugging it out. He gets Kane up and hits the Dominator. That was a pretty impressive visual. #10 is Sylvan, just to remind you that he still works here. He tells Lashley that he wants to work as a team, but then he attacks Lashley when he turns around, so Lashley just throws him out. Then right behind him are both Kane and Show, who hit a double chokeslam on Lashley and then dump him over. The crowd wasn't happy with that. I think they could have given him a few more minutes in the ring there. Show and Kane start battling it out as both Triple H and Mysterio are down in opposite corners. As they are fighting, in comes Triple H and he is able to eliminate both men at the same time. #11 is Carlito and he hits a Backstabber on Mysterio. #12 is Chris Benoit and he comes and delivers chops to everyone. Carlito is the only one to escape a German suplex, but he gets put in the Crippler Crossface instead. Benoit hits a top rope headbutt on Triple H. #13 is naturally Booker T. Booker comes in, goes after Benoit and Benoit instantly tosses him out. Coach lasted 12 seconds longer than Booker. #14 is Joey Mercury. Nothing of note happens until #15 and it's the return of Tatanka. He surprisingly doesn't get much of a pop, but still looks to be in pretty good shape. Good enough that they gave him a short run after this. #16 is Johnny Nitro and he immediately gets chopped by Tatanka. We now have both members of MNM in the ring. This is the first time in the match where there are a lot of competitors at the same time. #17 is my pick to win this whole thing, Trevor Murdoch. Mysterio narrowly escapes being eliminated by Triple H. #18 is the return of Eugene. He tries to shake Murdoch's hand, but gets hit with some right hands. Eugene hulks up and hits him with an airplane spin. They both are dizzy and Mysterio hits a double bulldog on them. #19 is Animal, sporting some ugly slime green shoulder pads. #20 is the return of Rob Van Dam. When I started this blog, he was on the first SmackDown I reviewed and that was it. Glad to have him back. There are a ton of people left in the ring here. RVD barely has any room to hit any of his spots. RVD eliminates one of them, with a back body drop on Animal. #21 is Orlando Jordan, so yeah. There are still way too many people in here, where it still looks like the first few minutes of a battle royal. #22 is Chavo, who doesn't get the low rider entrance. I believe I count 12 people in there right now. Chavo hits the Three Amigos on Nitro and then goes for the Frog Splash, but Triple H tosses him out and eliminates him. #23 is Matt Hardy, who hits Side Effects on MNM. MNM dumps out Tatanka. Out at 24 is Super Crazy, who hits a flying crossbody on MNM. I'm not really sure why they felt the need to have Murdoch and Eugene in there this long. #25 is Shawn Michaels to hopefully help clear the ring. He ducks a charging Murdoch and he is finally gone. I guess my prediction was wrong. Chris Masters is the 26th entrant and Viscera is 27th. How in the world are they going to get Viscera over the top rope? I just don't see it happening. Viscera hits the Samoan drop on Hardy and then starts humping him. I obviously have no respect for myself. Viscera eliminates Hardy. Really? #28 is Shelton Benjamin and thank God his mom is there to show him which way the ring is and then leaves. Eugene is finally gone. #29 is the return of Goldust. Why are there so many people in the ring? We get to #30 and it is Randy Orton, who feels the need to run in there despite there being half the entrants still left. He quickly makes a mark though and eliminates Benoit. Masters and Carlito get the big push by eliminating Viscera. Carlito sneaks from behind and then eliminates Masters. Goldust then shatters Carlito's dreams, but then RVD hits Goldust with a kick that sorta, kinda eliminates him. Orton eliminates Jordan. The main storyline here is that Triple H and Mysterio are still in the match. MNM attempt the Snapshot on Michaels, but he is able to escape and eliminates both of them to a big pop. Shelton immediately hits a kick to the back of Michaels' head. We are now down to 7 men, make it 6 as Michaels hits Benjamin with Sweet Chin Music. Out comes Vince McMahon to distract Michaels. Shane McMahon sneaks from behind and tosses Michaels out. Michaels runs back in and escapes a Pedigree and hits Triple H with Sweet Chin Music. He then chases after Shane. RVD eliminates Carlito and we have a very strong final four with Rob Van Dam, Triple H, Rey Mysterio and Randy Orton. Each competitor goes into a corner and they start the battle. Former partners RVD and Mysterio start teaming up and hitting some of their fun double team moves. Triple H launches Mysterio up at RVD, who is seated on the top rope and eliminates RVD. Orton and Triple H form an alliance to get rid of Mysterio. Mysterio is able to hit a double DDT. Mysterio sets them up and hits a double 619. He hits a springboard senton on Orton, but eats a clothesline from Triple H. Orton and Triple H start going at it now. Triple H then gets up Mysterio for a spinebuster, but Mysterio counters it to eliminate him to a huge pop. It is down to Mysterio and Orton. Triple H grabs Mysterio out and throws him into the steel steps before tossing him back to Orton. Orton decides that it's a good idea to stall before making his move. Orton gets Mysterio up to toss him out, but Mysterio hits a hurricanrana to eliminate him and win the Royal Rumble. I know a lot of people don't like this one, but I felt that they had a lot of nice touches in the first and third acts of the match. Mysterio winning was so well deserved. Good, solid Royal Rumble match.
Match Rating: ***1/2
Mickie James interrupts Trish Stratus at WWE Instant Access.
Rey Mysterio is celebrating with Chris Benoit, Dean Malenko and Chavo Guerrero. Edge and Lita interrupt. He advises Rey not to pull a Benoit and change over to Raw to challenge for the WWE Championship.
WWE Championship Match
John Cena vs. Edge
Cena gets this huge structure that was lowered from the ceiling to enter to the ring to. You can chalk this thing up as a gigantic waste of money. After a brawling start, Edge is able to bait Cena and throws him face-first into the turnbuckle. Cena battles back with a suplex and then Edge rolls out of the ring. Cena is right out there to bring the fight to him and it leads to Edge hiding behind Lita. Edge then Spears Cena into the stairs and rolls back in the ring. Edge then hits a baseball slide dropkick that sends Cena into the first row. Back in the ring, Edge hits a spinning heel kick for a 2 count. After throwing Cena into the steps, Edge goes up top and hits a really nice missile dropkick. That's one you don't see from Edge too much during this era. Edge goes for a superplex, but Cens is able to push him off. Cena attempts a top rope leg drop, but Edge is able to roll out of the way and gets a nearfall. Cena catches Edge up for the FU, but Edge escapes and hits him with a kick after a pin attempt. Edge once again goes up to the top rope and this time he hits a crossbody, but Cena rolls through for a 2 count. Edge misses with a Spear into the corner and hits the turnbuckle and Cena immediately hits a DDT. Both men are down. Cena ducks a clothelsine and hits a shoulder tackle and then hits his spinning powerbomb. You can't see me and Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Lita has the ref distracted for the pin attempt. Edge gets pushed into Lita and she goes flying off the apron. Cena hits the FU and the STFU to become the new WWE Champion. This was a good match, but these two would go on to have much better in their rivalry.
Match Rating: ***1/4
Todd Grisham interviews Edge on his way back to the locker room and Edge shoves him out of the way. He leaves and Lita starts giving it to Grisham. In walks Hacksaw Jim Duggan and gives the old "Hooooooo".
Kurt Angle is interviewed backstage and says that he can beat people in ways that haven't even been invented yet because he's Kurt Angle.
World Heavyweight Championship Match
Mark Henry vs. Kurt Angle
I will never forget the reaction from the Buffalo Wild Wings that this was the "main event". We would soon find out why and it wouldn't make it any better. Henry dumps Angle on the top rope and down to the floor, allowing Daivari to attack him behind Charles Robinson's back. Henry again hangs Angle on the top rope and gives him a huge boot. After standing on Angle, he puts him in a bear hug. Angle is eventually able to counter it with a hip throw and then hits him with an elbow. He goes off the second rope, but Henry catches Angle. Angle rolls out and puts Henry in an Ankle Lock. Henry kicks his way out and Angle tries for the Angle Slam, but Henry Hits him with a big right arm. Angle gets out of a powerslam and hits a German suplex on him. That was impressive. Angle then hits the Angle Slam, but Henry is able to kick out. The crowd feels like it is trying to get in this match, but the pace is just so slow and this whole thing felt like such a rushed thing because of the Batista injury. Angle slaps on the Ankle Lock again and this time Henry kicks out of it, but Angle hits Robinson and knocks him down. Angle grabs a chair, but Daivari stops him. He hits Daivari with the chair and then goes after Henry. Henry catches the chair, but Angle hits him with a low blow. Angle grabs the chair and hits him with two disgusting chair shots to the exposed head of Henry. Robinson is up and Henry still kicks out. I can't take these chair shots much longer. So irresponsible to be happening in 2006. Angle unties the second turnbuckle and he trips Henry into it. He rolls up Henry, grabs the rope and gets the victory. I mean, I guess Angle is still a heel but kind of a babyface. They had no clue what to do. As soon as the match is over, Undertaker's music hits. He comes out on a chariot and he then uses his magic to make lightning bolts come out of his hands, which makes the ring collapse with Angle in it. As stupid as this was, it at least leads to something great. The match, story and ending were all rushed and was no way to end a show in my opinion.
Match Rating: *
This show is all over the map, but unfortunately the only place it doesn't land is in "great" territory. A lot of people consider this to be one of the worst Rumble shows, and while it is down there, I think there are handful that are distinctively worse. I actually enjoyed the Rumble match, as Mysterio was long overdue for a big moment like that. The Edge/Cena match was also a good match, even if it wasn't particularly extraordinary. The rest of the show was mostly forgettable though and that is a shame because the crowd was into almost all of it. I would say thumbs in the middle for it, thanks to the Rumble match.
Overall Rating: 56%
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