Friday, April 2, 2021

Off The Grid, Volume 10: WrestleMania V Review

Sunday, April 2nd, 1989
Boardwalk Hall
Atlantic City, New Jersey

Follow me on Twitter: @WorkTheNetwork2

Off The Grid, Volume 10:

Rockin' Robin is here to sing "God Bless America". Aretha Franklin, she is not. Jesse Ventura agrees. 

King Haku vs. Hercules

They often say the opening match is the second most important match on the card. If so, why would you pick Haku vs. Hercules? I actually like Haku quite a bit, but he was never much more than a jobber to the stars for whatever reason. Haku attacks Hercules from behind when he's setting down his chains. Herc recovers and starts off hot by clotheslining him over the top rope. Herc suplexes him back in and does the wise thing and goes after Heenan. I love how Ventura calls stuff like that out. Haku comes from behind and clotheslines him. Haku hits a backbreaker and just holds him there, showing off his off the charts strength. Haku slaps on the bear hug, but not to Gorilla's liking. Herc breaks the hold, but Haku attacks him to stay on offense. Haku misses a second rope reverse crossbody and Herc hits a series of jabs. Hercules hits a powerslam and goes up top. Haku greets him with a superkick and then he goes up top. He misses with the splash and then hits a back suplex into a "bridge" and gets the victory. It sure looked like Hercules' shoulders were down as well. This wasn't terrible, but felt very pointless. 

Match Rating: *1/4

The Rockers cut a totally 80s promo.

Twin Towers vs. Rockers

This one probably should have been the opening match. The Rockers are quick to speed up the pace early on. Boss Man blind tags himself in and catches Jannetty in mid-air after a leap frog and Akeem squashes him. They hit a double squash in the turnbuckle. Jannetty avoids Akeem, who then  hits Boss Man and he makes the tag to Michaels. They use a long illegal double team and they hit a double shoulder tackle. It doesn't take long for Akeem to hit a huge clothesline. Boss Man goes up top and Michaels avoids the big splash. They hit a double top rope dropkick on Boss Man. Michaels goes up top again, but Boss Man catches him into a powerbomb. Akeem hits Air Africa and that is all. As far as short tag team matches go, this was quite good. This was also the debut of the future Mr. WrestleMania.

Match Rating: **3/4

Ted DiBiase and Virgil are with Tony Schiavone, which still feels weird. He cuts the same promo he always does. He then shakes hands with Donald Trump. I have no words. 

Ted DiBiase vs. Brutus Beefcake

Beefcake is strutting early and he clotheslines him over the top rope. I remember as a kid seeing the box at the video store and thinking that this was going to be a good match. I was a dumb kid. Virgil grabs the leg of Brutus and DiBiase takes control. Brutus sneaks in a small package for a 2 count. Brutus hits a vertical suplex and both men are down. Gorilla says that this one has gone longer than he expected. They have been wrestling for less than five minutes. DiBiase slaps on the Million Dollar Dream, but Brutus grabs the top rope. Brutus puts on the sleeper hold, but Virgil gets on the apron and Brutus releases the hold to go after him. DiBiase attacks him from behind and they start slugging it out. Both men are counted out and that is such a garbage finish. Why even book the match? Brutus puts on the sleeper hold on Virgil and DiBiase comes in to try and make the save. Beefcake attacks him too and then goes to get his hedge clippers. DiBiase and Virgil escape and this is just an unsatisfying WrestleMania moment. 

Match Rating: 3/4*

They go to the Bushwhackers with Lord Alfred Hayes at the annual brunch. They keep talking with food in their mouths. 

Fabulous Rougeaus vs. Bushwhackers

Every match in this era starts the same. While Jesse and Gorilla argue about citizenship, the Bushwhackers hit a Battering Ram to start out and the Rougeaus are re-grouping. Raymond puts Luke in a Boston crab and Jacques stomps on him. More teams should use that as a double team. We then get the famous crotch grab by Luke on Raymond while getting body slammed. The Rougeaus hit a pretty weak looking double clothesline. Jacques puts Luke in an abdominal stretch and Raymond kicks him. The Bushwhackers hit an illegal Battering Ram, double stomach breaker and get the pinfall victory. Who put these matches together tonight? Was Pat Patterson off? This is the lone Bushwhacker WrestleMania match. The Bushwhackers are shown licking Sean Mooney on their way back to the locker room. 

Match Rating: 1/2*

Mr. Perfect vs. Blue Blazer

This was pre-Bobby Heenan and pre-entrance music for Perfect here. Owen was only 23 years old here. Blazer counters the hip toss by landing on his feet and hits a dropkick. Perfect's excellent bumping sends him out of the ring. Blazer shows off some innovative offense for the era and then goes up top. Perfect gets his knees up and works on the back of Blazer. Blazer hits a belly-to-belly suplex and then a crucifix for a 2 count. Owen argues with the ref and gets drilled with a forearm. Perfect hits the Perfect Plex and that is all. Good little match featuring two of the best performers on the roster by a mile. 

Match Rating: **1/2

Jesse Ventura says it's time for his big surprise and it's him getting announced by the Fink. The so-called "Trump Plaza" sure seems like a terrible venue for wrestling. 

They show Lord Alfred from yesterday at the 5K run. Mr. Fuji is shown as a last minute entry to show off that he's in great shape. Fuji of course runs before the start and is wearing his suit, hat and cane. The show him "finish". 

Run D.M.C. is here for the WrestleMania rap. The echo and sound system are absolutely terrible. 

They show a highlight package of the Demolition/Powers of Pain feud and then go to Demolition with Mean Gene and they are fired up. 

Handicap Match For The WWF Tag Team Championships
Powers Of Pain & Mr. Fuji vs. Demolition

You know what else isn't very good at this show? The crowd. Demolition cuts the ring in half early on with the Warlord. In just one years time, Demolition would go from wrestling in an arena that sounds empty to one of the biggest pop in WWF/E history. Fuji finally gets in there and hits his famous low headbutt. Ax is able to make the tag to Smash and he cleans house, which finally wakes up the crowd. The ref gets distracted and Fuji pulls out the salt. Demolition ducks and the Demolition Decapitation on Fuji for the victory. That was extremely mediocre overall. 

Match Rating: *

They show Savage going nuts in the locker room. 

Dino Bravo vs. Ronnie Garvin

This ought to put the crowd in a frenzy. Garvin didn't even get a televised entrance. Fink then announces Jimmy Snuka for some reason. Garvin fights back and goes for a rolling cradle for a 2 count. He puts on the sleeper hold, but Bravo gets to the ropes. Garvin goes for the piledriver, but Bravo counters only to be countered into a sunset flip for a 2 count. Bravo hits that dreaded side suplex and gets the victory. Another pointless match. Garvin attacks him from behind and then attacks Frenchy Martin and gives him the Garvin Stomp. 

Match Rating: 1/2*

Brain Busters vs. Strike Force

Arn Anderson hits Martel in the back with a knee, but Martel fights back and now all four men are in the ring. Strike Force hits a double dropkick and clear the ring. Martel puts Anderson in the Boston crab and Blanchard hits him with a thumb to the eye. Now Tito puts Blanchard in the Figure Four and Martel joins in the fun. Tito goes for a flying forearm and Blanchard ducks, causing Tito to hit Martel. The Busters isolate Santana until he slams Anderson off the top rope. Santana is crawling to the corner, but Martel is still selling the injury. He then walks away and says he's done, leaving Santana on his own. Anderson hits the big spinebuster. The Busters hit the spike piledriver and get the victory. This existed to kick off Martel's heel turn and to put over the Busters. 

Match Rating: **

Rick Martel tells Gene that he's sick of carrying Tito around. Gene is just disgusted by his actions. 

It's time for Piper's pit, but instead Brother Love comes out with a kilt on. He then interviews Piper, with himself playing the role of Piper. Morton Downey Jr. now is out. He makes fun of Love for wearing a skirt and calls him fat. Downey starts smoking and Piper is introduced. This segment is already longer than it should be and Piper is just getting to the ring. Keep in mind there is almost 2 more hours left in this show. This all leads to Piper ripping off the kilt and exposing his red underwear. Love then runs off to the back. Now to Morton Downey. As far as WrestleMania "celebrities" go, he's right up there with the "Where's the beef?" lady. This all leads to Piper spraying Downey with a fire extinguisher. 

Mean Gene shows an exclusive sneak preview for No Holds Barred. 

If it can't get any worse, we go to Sean Mooney to interview the "illustrious" Donald Trump. 

Jesse Ventura then cuts a promo on Hulk Hogan about stealing his Hollywood territory. We then get a video package on the Hogan/Savage feud and now Hogan is with Gene. 

Andre The Giant vs. Jake Roberts

Andre attacks Jake upon entering and slams him into an exposed turnbuckle. Big John Studd is the guest referee if anyone cares. Andre dominates, so you can imagine what the pace of the match is. Roberts fights back and Andre gets tied up in the ropes. Jake gets some shots in, but Andre chokes him and is back in control. Jake now hits Andre in the exposed turnbuckle and it gets no reaction. Andre then knocks Jake out of the ring. Andre and Studd start arguing, so Jake grabs the snake. Andre shoves Studd into the turnbuckles and now Ted DiBiase and Virgil are out. DiBiase grabs the snake and runs to the back. Jake chases him down and gets Damien back. He tosses Damien back in the ring and Andre is out of there. They announce Jake the winner by disqualification and thankfully this is over with. There was absolutely no reason to give this as much time as it got. This was about as bad as it gets. 

Match Rating: 1/4*

Sean Mooney interviews some guy in the crowd who just says "Jake's the best!" over and over. 

Tony Schiavone is with Sensational Sherri minus the face paint. 

Greg Valentine & Honky Tonk Man vs. Hart Foundation

This was pre-Rhythm & Blues for Valentine and Honky. The Harts start out in control thanks to Bret. Bret misses an elbow and they team up on him in their corner. Valentine goes for the Figure Four, but Bret is able to counter it and Valentine hits a gutbuster. Bret's able to sneak out a tag to Neidhart and he hits a couple of dropkicks. Bret hits a suplex, but Valentine breaks up the pin attempt. Neidhart steals the megaphone and tosses it to Bret, who uses it on Honky behind the referee's back and they pick up the victory. This felt more like a TV main event match than a WrestleMania match. 

Match Rating: **

Intercontinental Championship Match
Rick Rude vs. Ultimate Warrior

Because we haven't seen it enough tonight, Rude tries to attack Warrior and it doesn't work. We're about 60 seconds in and we already have a Warrior bear hug. Rude uses a rake to the eyes and then hits a really nice missile dropkick, but Warrior basically no sells it by kicking out at 1. Warrior uses another bear hug and then Warrior bites Rude. Warrior goes for a splash, but Rude gets his knees up. Gorilla rips on Warrior for not being where he should have been anyways. Rude hits a big piledriver and gets a 2 count. Warrior slams Rude face-first twice into the mat and hits a backbreaker. He tries to pick him up from the backbreaker, but he loses his balance and almost falls through the ropes. Warrior misses in the corner and Rude goes for the Rude Awakening. Warrior is able to power his way out of the move and hits a clothesline. Warrior clotheslines Rude out of the ring and tries to suplex him into the ring. Heenan grabs the Warrior's leg, tripping him up and then holds it down during the pin attempt and we have a new Intercontinental Champion. Good ending, mediocre match at best. 

Match Rating: *3/4

Bad News Brown vs. Jim Duggan

Bad News takes it to Duggan, but then misses in the corner. Duggan hits a clothesline and Brown starts heading to the back. He turns around and Duggan flips him back into the ring. The action spills outside and Bad News throws Duggan into the ring post. Bad News misses with the kick and Duggan hits a running clothesline. Bad News grabs a chair and Duggan grabs his 2x4. They start swinging at each other and then Duggan hits an atomic drop. He hits Bad News with the wood and that's all. Another stupid match. 

Match Rating: 1/2*

Nothing like giving Red Rooster an interview spot. 

Bobby Heenan vs. Red Rooster

Brooklyn Brawler is with Heenan here. They were really testing the theory that Heenan could make anyone better here. Heenan misses in the corner and hits his shoulder into the turnbuckle and Rooster rolls him up for the victory. Brooklyn Brawler attacks Rooster, but Rooster fights back and the heels head to the back. This was deemed WrestleMania worthy in 1989. 

Match Rating: 1/4*

Miss Elizabeth cuts a promo saying that she will remain neutral and she prays that neither man will be seriously injured.

WWF Championship Match
Randy Savage vs. Hulk Hogan

Good on Ventura for calling out the challenger coming out second, rather than the champion. Lots of stalling and mind games to start here. Savage is able to hit a running clothesline and Hogan is already bleeding. Hogan misses with an elbow drop and Savage shoves him into the turnbuckle. Hogan gets a mini adrenaline boost and throws Savage over the top rope. Elizabeth goes to check on Savage, but he tells her to leave. Hogan picks up Savage to ram into the ring post, but Elizabeth stops him. This allows Savage to shove him into the post. Savage has some words for Elizabeth when he sees her checking in on Hogan. Savage hits the double ax handle of the top rope to Hogan on the barricade. Savage takes some tape and chokes Hogan with it. Savage hits the top rope elbow drop, but Hogan kicks out and it's time to Hulk up. Hogan hits the big boot and the leg drop and that is all. This was the one match the crowd was truly into and they did go nuts for the finish, but I was very underwhelmed with this one. Savage was a miracle worker in this era and Hogan still couldn't have a great match with him. This match felt like it was missing a chunk of the story and it just lacked that special something. 

Match Rating: **1/4

I was really looking forward to watching this one again and it was even worse than I remembered. The booking was poor, the crowd was dead and not one match hit 3 stars. They could have easily just done a battle royal and get rid of about 4-5 matches on here. Nostalgia isn't enough to save this one and it deserves to be remembered as a bottom tier WrestleMania.

Overall Rating: 38%

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