Friday, July 7, 2023

SmackDown 1-5-07 Review

Original Airdate: Friday, January, 5th, 2007
Lakeland Center Jenkins Arena
Lakeland, Florida

Follow me on Twitter: @WorkTheNetwork2

I can't believe this awful SmackDown theme still is part of the show. Teddy Long is in the ring and he says that tonight will be a series of matches chosen at random in Beat The Clock Sprint matches. The winner will take on Batista at Royal Rumble. Batista is out and says that he loves this idea. Teddy then brings out the first competitor, Kane.

Beat The Clock Sprint Match
Kane vs. Chavo Guerrero

I actually have always liked the Beat The Clock gimmick. It gives the show a united theme and makes it a little different than the usual weekly show. Chavo is able to slow down Kane eventually when he draws him outside the ring and trips him into the steel steps. Chavo tries to use the ropes on the pin, but it doesn't work and we're already well over 4 minutes here. Kane comes back and hits a side suplex. Kane hits a top rope clothesline, but Chavo gets his foot on the bottom rope. Kane goes for a chokeslam, but Chavo kicks his way out of it. They battle in the corner and Chavo shoves him off. He hits a Frog Splash, but Kane catches him by the throat. Kane sits up and hits the Chokeslam for the victory at 7:53. This was about as crappy as you'd expect. 

Match Rating: 3/4*

Beat The Clock Sprint Match
Paul London vs. Brian Kendrick

They show Johnny Damon in the crowd and oh my gosh, London's opponent is his own partner. I didn't see that coming. They go for some quick pin attempts at the beginning and then go to some basic wrestling because they are friends. Batista is watching on a TV from a normal angle, so we actually don't know what he's watching. He could be watching Desperate Housewives for all we know. We get some more quick pin attempts and back to submission wrestling. We're already under 4 minutes and they still go back to moves that won't get you to where they need to be. Kendrick gets thrown through the ropes around 3 minute mark, but it just ends up back in the ring with them doing a test of strength. We get a double cross body at the 2:12 mark and both men are down. We're back to pin attempts and then Kendrick thinks it's a good idea to put a headlock on with under a minute left. He hits a hurricanrana into a pin, but London reverses that. We get more pinfall attempts and then we get some awkward offense to end the match. These guys are usually great, but man, did this stink. Ashley comes out to check on them and raises both of their arms. They all hug after. How sweet. 

Match Rating: 1/4*

JBL is in the ring for a special interview with MVP about being burned alive at Armageddon. Before MVP comes out, they show footage of MVP and then a picture of his back while making the crowd feel bad for cheering it. MVP limps out to the ring with his back exposed for everyone to see. He talks about how he had to get 24 hour medical care and couldn't go to the bathroom herself. They pan to some woman in the crowd making a crybaby face. He says that he won't let this get in the way of becoming World Heavyweight Champion.

Beat The Clock Sprint Match
King Booker vs. Gregory Helms

Queen Sharmell is in the ring and before announcing Booker, says that he shouldn't have to participate in this. Now Batista is looking up close at the TV and on an angle, so we know he changed it back to SmackDown. Booker catches Helms and hits a big spinebuster for a 2 count. We're about halfway through their time and not much has happened in this one either. Book hits a kick and slowly covers him, making JBL irate. Helms catches Booker with a forearm and a missile dropkick off the second rope for a 2 count. Helms goes up top and hits a crossbody for another 2 count. We now have 2 minutes remaining and Booker misses a Scissors Kick. Sharmell grabs Helms' leg and it allows Booker to hit a kick and finish him with the Scissors Kick with 1:29 left. Booker now has the time to beat with 6:24. This was another disappointing match here on SmackDown.

Match Rating: 3/4*

The Boogeyman's music hits and he sneaks behind Helms and hits him with his finisher. Out come the worms and you know the deal here. 

They show a lengthy video package on Batista and his journey to World Heavyweight Champion.

Ashley vs. Jillian

You know what this crappy show didn't need? This. Ashley runs the ropes like she just ran 3 marathons. Jillian catches her for a powerbomb, but Ashley is just too resilient. Ashley gets a fluke victory and saves us all.

Match Rating: 1/4*

They show Maryse in a hot tub to welcome us back and she looks like a very different person in this era.

Beat The Clock Sprint Match
Jimmy Wang Yang vs. Tatanka

Talk about must see TV. 6:24 is your time here. Yang goes for some quick pin attempts in the beginning, but he's not able to pull off the victory. Tatanka throws Yang into the turnbuckles sternum first and then hits a gut wrench powerbomb. Yang gets in some more offense, but gets crotched when going for a moonsault and Tatanka hits a suplex. Meanwhile, JBL is gushing about how great SmackDown is and that Tatanka was undefeated for 2 years in the early 90s. That was like 15 years ago. Yang hits a moonsault, but the time runs out when he goes for the pin. Yang is disappointed so Tatanka attacks him from behind. I can't believe he still works here. The match wasn't terrible or anything, but no one really wanted to see this match. 

Match Rating: *1/4

Kristal is with Vickie Guerrero and they show the drama between her, Chavo and Chris Benoit. Vickie breaks down and cries after saying she is emotionally distraught and confused.

Beat The Clock Sprint Match
Mr. Kennedy vs. Chris Benoit

They both go at each other quickly, knowing that time is limited. Kennedy gets the better chances earlier on, but Benoit is able to sneak in a few false finishes. Benoit goes for the Sharpshooter, but Kennedy gets out and goes for the ground and pound. Kennedy goes for the Kenton Bomb, but Benoit gets his knees up and Benoit hits the German suplexes around the 3 minute mark. Benoit goes for the top rope headbutt, but Kennedy moves. Kennedy removes the top turnbuckle while the ref is checking on Benoit. Benoit slaps on the Crossface, but Kennedy grabs the bottom rope. Kennedy is able to throw Benoit into the exposed turnbuckle and picks up the win, with 1:17 remaining. This was pretty good for what it was meant to be. They continue to build up Kennedy as crafty, but it would also be nice to have him get some decisive victories. 

Match Rating: **

Teddy Long is out to remind Kennedy that he is not the #1 contender yet. He says that MVP, Matt Hardy, Finlay and Undertaker will have matches next week. The time to beat is 5:07.

I actually enjoy the Beat The Clock concept, but this episode stunk. There was nothing compelling and it just felt like an excuse to give us subpar matches. No bueno.

Overall Rating: 39%

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