Monday, July 19, 2021

Superstars 3-26-94 Review

Original Airdate: Saturday, March 26th, 1994
Stabler Arena
Bethlehem, Pennsylvania

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They show still photos of Bret Hart winning the WWF Championship at WrestleMania, even though this was taped well before that. 

Lex Luger vs. Duane Gill

Jerry Lawler is back here announcing on Superstars and Luger is hot off his loss at WrestleMania (*not really). Luger usually gets a pretty good reaction, but the crowd is absolutely dead here for this one. He tosses Gill around a bit and puts him in the Torture Rack for the very quick victory. 

Match Rating: 1/4*

They show some still photos of Luger's failed attempt of winning the title from Yokozuna, focusing on the controversy created by Mr. Perfect. We then get a live (*not really) look in at both Tatanka and Kwang getting ready for their match.

Diesel vs. John Chrystal

Diesel is a little less over here than he has been, but I suppose this could be hour 8 of a taping too. Diesel is in 1990 Undertaker mode here, as he is all slow going. He hits a big boot and the Jackknife for the victory. 

Match Rating: 1/4*

We get an IRS vignette giving us reasons that people are such bad tax cheats. Why is this still a thing? 

Tatanka vs. Kwang

Kwang gets off to a hot start and no one cares. Tatanka gives Kwang all he can handle, including a top rope chop, but he only gets a 2 count. Kwang hits a spin kick that makes Tatanka jump over the top rope. When we come back from commercial, Kwang is working on Tatanka in the ring with a dreaded nerve hold. Even Harvey looks bored. We get three nerve holds in this match, which is three too many. I know it's wrestling and you need to suspend your disbelief, but he just legit needs to punch him to get out of it. All of this to get to an IRS run in where he tries to steal Tatanka's headdress. Tatanka sees him and attacks him and they begin to brawl. I guess it's a double countout? Whatever. This wasn't good at all.

Match Rating: 1/2*

Smoking Gunns vs. Jason Headings & Rich Meyers

Lawler and Vince are talking about all of the celebrities at WrestleMania and Vince calls Burt Reynolds one of the nicest people you will ever meet. Headings hits a flying headscissors, but Bart hits a weird back body drop after a crisscross. The Gunns hit a vertical suplex/crossbody combo and then hit a top rope elbow drop from the shoulder of Bart Gunn for the victory. The Gunns continue to be solid.

Match Rating: 1/4*

We go to Todd Pettengill for the final WrestleMania Report. Jim Cornette warns Bret Hart that he won't have the title long. We hear quickly from Piper and then from Bret about being the best there is, the best there was and the best there ever will be. Owen tells Bret how lucky he was and that they will fight for the WWF Championship. This leads to a lame commercial about the President watching Monday Night Raw by just showing Air Force One. 

Owen Hart vs. PJ Walker

Owen shows off his awesomeness on Seinfeld here. Owen hits a spinning heel kick and locks in the Sharpshooter for a quick victory. I would have rather watched another couple minutes of that instead of nerve hold mania earlier on. 

Match Rating: 1/2*

We now get the White House and the absolute worst impersonators of Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton and George Bush that you will here.

We go back to Vince and...Johnny Polo? They care about this show about as much as I do apparently. Jeff Jarrett comes out and they announce that next week he will take on Sparky Plugg. 

This episode was pretty terrible. Hopefully they start building towards King of the Ring soon here. Jeff Jarrett and Bob Holly does have some potential for next week at the very least. 

Overall Rating: 31%

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