Saturday, January 21, 2023

Off The Grid, Volume 30: Royal Rumble 1990 Review

Sunday, January 21st, 1990
Orlando Arena
Orlando, Florida

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Off The Grid, Volume 30:

Jesse Ventura and Tony Schiavone are your announcers here today. Jesse of course is in Disney gear. 

Fabulous Rougeaus vs. Bushwhackers

This is basically the last major appearance for the Rougeaus here. Jacques with a beard is always strange to me. Raymond is able to get a sleeper hold on, but it ends with Butch biting his butt and then the referee's but. The Bushwhackers hit a double clothesline and then go for the Battering Ram, but the Rougeaus escape out of the ring. The re-group does them no good and now Luke is biting Jacques's nose. Jacques ducks a clothesline, but he ends up hitting Raymond instead. The Rougeaus finally get their footing and take control. The Rougeaus drop Luke on his throat on the top rope and the crowd is still very much into this. Luke gets his knees up on a splash attempt and makes the tag to Butch. They go for the Battering Ram again, but Jimmy Hart holds Luke's leg. They get their hands on him, but before they can do anything, the Rougeaus hit a double dropkick. Raymond puts on the Boston Crab, but Jacques gets tripped up by Luke. They hit a Battering Ram to the back of Jacques and that's enough for the victory. This was actually a little bit better than I remember. I don't always love the flows of the Bushwhacker matches, as they outsmart their opponents a little too often. The crowd was into it and they all put in a pretty good effort. 

Match Rating: *3/4

Mean Gene is with Ted DiBiase and Virgil to talk about drawing his number. DiBiase denies any wrongdoing last year with his number, but is all fired up because it is revealed that he drew number 1 this year. 

The Genius vs. Brutus Beefcake

This one seems like a little bit of a stretch for a pay-per-view match, but it's the Royal Rumble, so I guess it's acceptable. Poffo has kept himself in good shape despite being relegated to a manager who sometimes wrestles. They finally lock up and Genius uses the eyes to gain an advantage. Beefcake is able to get in an inverted atomic drop and we get some more stalling. Genius misses a dropkick in the corner and if you like matches with stalling, this is the one for you. The crowd then starts chanting demeaning slurs at Genius. It's funny that they have to keep convincing us that Genius is an acceptable wrestler while we have to pretend that Beefcake is actually good. I guess that's the art of professional wrestling. This thing is already way longer than it needed to be. Beefcake Barber goes for the sleeper hold, but Genius is able to slip out of it and then Beefcake accidentally pushes him into the referee. The referee is down and out on the floor. Beefcake gets the sleeper locked in and Genius is out. Beefcake does his dorky dancing and then grabs his scissors. He starts cutting the top of his head and then Mr. Perfect finally comes out to attack Beefcake. He hits the Perfect Plex and they start ringing the bell. Perfect grabs a chair and nails him in the midsection. Officials come in to try and stop him and they head to the back. This was something that could have been on Superstars and not something you paid for. They call it a double disqualification. 

Match Rating: 1/2*

Sean Mooney is with Bobby Heenan, Rick Rude, Andre The Giant and Haku. Heenan says that everything is planned out and everything is going to go fine. They then start arguing about what will happen if it's down to two of them. 

Submission Match
Greg Valentine vs. Ronnie Garvin

Ventura is making a big deal out of Garvin wearing a shin guard on his leg. Garvin has to go after Valentine to get him in the ring and then almost immediately goes for a pin attempt in a submission match. We get a lot of punches and headbutts in a somewhat awkward exchange between the two. Garvin goes for a piledriver but it ends up with a sunset flip attempt and Valentine chopping Garvin in the head. They collide in the middle of the ring and both men are down. Garvin goes for another pin attempt and Valentine is able to knock him out as a result of his mistake. Valentine puts on the Figure Four, but since Garvin has the guard on his leg, it doesn't do any damage. Garvin makes some stupid faces at Valentine and then when he gets out goes for another pin attempt. It's getting to the point where I'm finding it hard to believe that his pin attempts are storyline. We get a chop fest on the outside and then Garvin goes for another piledriver. Valentine counters with a back body drop and we go back in the ring. Garvin misses a dropkick in the corner and ends up in the tree of woe. Valentine gets some stomps in before Garvin gets out of the predicament. This match is really lacking a flow here. They run into each other again and this time Jimmy Hart takes off the guard of Garvin's leg. Valentine hits a backbreaker and slaps on the Figure Four. I apologize to everyone, the guard is called the "Hammer Jammer". Garvin is just such a dorky babyface. Garvin is trying his best to reverse the hold and eventually does. Valentine grabs the ropes and reverses it back and uses it for leverage. The referee breaks the hold and Valentine goes to work on the leg. Valentine goes up top, but Garvin hops over there and press slams him. Garvin then takes off Valentine's guard. Valentine rolls him up, but again, it's a submission match. Valentine gets tied up in the ropes and grabs Valentine's "Heartbreaker". He throws Hart in the ring and then hits Valentine with the guard and puts on the Sharpshooter. Valentine submits and the crowd wakes up for that. I'm not really sure who should have won this one since neither went on to do anything of note after this. The match wasn't bad, but they were kind of just out there hitting moves. 

Match Rating: **3/4

Mean Gene is with Mr. Perfect to talk about what happened earlier with Brutus Beefcake. He then also informs us that he pulled the perfect number in the Royal Rumble. 

It's now time for Brother Love. They got that set up pretty quickly. Schiavone decides to talk over him and make fat jokes. His guest is Sister Sherri. It still blows my mind that Bruce is only 26 years old here. They exchange compliments before bringing out Sapphire, which now makes way for Ventura to make fat jokes. Sherri and Love team up to make fun of Sapphire and it leads to her slapping Sherri. Out comes Randy Savage and Dusty Rhodes. The men start going at it and Sapphire jumps on the back of Savage. Love is able to pull her off and then goes to the ring to gloat while officials keep Rhodes and Savage apart. Rhodes goes into the ring and Love fails to escape. He hits a body slam and then Sapphire gets a slap in before celebrating. I wouldn't say this was great, but it was entertaining enough thanks to the talent involved. Dusty and Sapphire was such a strange moment in time. 

We go to Sean Mooney who is with Jim Duggan. He's coming after Boss Man, tough guy. 

Big Boss Man vs. Hacksaw Jim Duggan

It was always strange to me that Duggan was one of the last people to get entrance music. We get a slugfest to start and Duggan is able to knock Boss Man out of the ring. Duggan baits Boss Man into charging at him and he ducks, causing Boss Man to run into the ring post. Boss Man was starting to lose weight that would lead him to the peak of his career in late 1990, early 1991. Duggan on the other hand looks about as heavy as he ever was here. Boss Man hits an enzuigiri and follows it up with his splash onto the second rope. Slick gets in on the action to get in a choke behind the referee's back. Duggan's comeback attempt is cut short with a knee to the midsection. After a Boss Man bear hug, Duggan is finally able to get some offense in and clotheslines him out of the ring. Duggan hits a shoulder tackle, but both men are down. Slick hands the nightstick to Boss Man and he gets caught using it for the disqualification. Duggan grabs his 2 x 4 and hits Boss Man in the back. Did any Duggan match ever have a clean finish? He knocks Slick out of the ring as well. This was a disappointing match, as both guys were always entertaining during this time. 

Match Rating: **

It's time for the quick hit promos. First up it's Earthquake and Dino Bravo, this is the most I remember hearing Bravo talk. Bonus points for the bouncing Quake promo. Demolition talk about being numbers 1 and 2 before. Bad News Brown calls his competitors spineless cockroaches. Dusty Rhodes is more focused on Randy Savage. The Rockers say they won't be fighting against each other. Hercules says his destiny will be fulfilled (it won't). Rick Martel wants us to take a look at his profile. Tito Santana says once he hits the ring, friendships are over. Jimmy Snuka makes loud noises. Akeem mostly dances while Slick preaches. Ultimate Warrior makes louder noises. Randy Savage focuses on Dusty Rhodes even though he says he isn't. Powers of Pain are devious. Jake Roberts waxes philosophical. Bret Hart tells Jim Neidhart to mellow out. Honky Tonk Man says he's going to play all 29 of his hits. Hulk Hogan says you can't compensate for the power of the pythons with the Hulkamaniacs behind him. 

Royal Rumble

Ted DiBiase is #1. Oh, the irony. #2 is Koko B. Ware who wasn't important enough to get a promo. I really don't quite understand why he never got higher on the card. Koko gets in a little bit of offense and before you know it, DiBiase dumps him out of the ring. Out comes Marty Jannetty at #3. They follow the exact same formula where Marty gets in some offense and then is eliminated before the next competitor is in. This time it's Jake Roberts at #4. They go at it and out comes Randy Savage at #5. For the first time in the match, we have 3 people in the ring. He comes in and chokes out Roberts. Savage's gear has to be his most unique that I can think of. Out at #6 is Roddy Piper and he gets a huge pop. Talk about 4 huge names in there now. Piper hits a double clothesline on the heels and place is going nuts for it. Out at #7, it's the Warlord. He's just here to fill up the ring. Now at #8, it's Bret Hart. The ring is getting crowded now and Ventura is amazed that DiBiase is still in there. It's barely been 10 minutes. Out at #9 is Bad News Brown. DiBiase has Roberts held and Savage clotheslines him out of the match. #10 is Dusty Rhodes and he goes right after Savage. Savage charges at him and he back body drops him right out of the ring. Savage is irate, but forced to leave. Andre the Giant is out at #11 and Warlord goes after him, but quickly gets tossed out. Bobby Heenan and Mr. Fuji get into an altercation over it. Red Rooster is still here and he's #12. Piper tosses Brown out of the ring and then Brown pulls Piper out. They start brawling outside the ring to set up their WrestleMania match. Out at #13, it's Ax. Dusty and Ax get Andre tied up in the ropes and stomp away. #14 is Haku and he's able to help out his partner. Out at #15, it's Smash to no one's surprise. It's Akeem at #16 and we have 8 men in the ring. Demolition are able to team up and eliminate Andre to the delight of the Orlando crowd and while no one was watching, Bret was also eliminated. #17 is Jimmy Snuka and he immediately looks like a jobber. He's able to get a running start and knocks out Akeem. It's time for Dino Bravo at 18 and he adds nothing to the match. #19 is Earthquake and he tosses Dusty out of the match and then eliminates Ax. Jim Neidhart is #20 and goes after Earthquake. Five men team up and they are able to get Earthquake out of there. #21 is Ultimate Warrior and now it's chaos. He goes right after Dino and quickly eliminates him. Rick Martel is #22 and it's Tito Santana at #23. They go at it for a little bit, but mostly nothing is happening now. #24 is Honky Tonk Man. Ultimate Warrior finally is able to eliminate Ted DiBiase with a clothesline. #25 is Hulk Hogan and he immediately eliminates Snuka. Haku is out next after a weak looking boot. Santana goes for a body slam on Martel and Warrior flips them over. Santana falls to the floor and Martel is able to hang on the apron. It's time for Shawn Michaels at 26. Meanwhile, Hogan dumps out Honky. Warrior dumps out both Michaels and Martel and it's down to just Warrior and Hogan. The crowd is going nuts for it. Even Bobby Heenan is watching. They hit a double clothesline and they are both down. Barbarian gets the honor of entering the ring at 27 and getting to work on a wounded Hogan and Warrior. Rick Rude enters at #28, possibly prematurely. He and Barbarian team up to try and get rid of both superstars. Rude and Barbarian team up on Warrior and Hogan clotheslines him from behind. They're able to hang on, but Warrior is eliminated. He comes back in the ring and attacks Rude and Barbarian before running to the back. Hercules is #29 and is here to fulfill his destiny of losing. He throws both Rude and Barbarian into Hogan's boots. It's finally time for Mr. Perfect to enter at 30. He goes after Hogan while the other two work on Hercules. Barbarian accidentally hits Rude with a boot and then Herc eliminates him. Hercules doesn't last much longer and we have the combo of Rude and Perfect working on Hogan. Rude accidentally hits Perfect and he falls through the ropes. Perfect accidentally assists in eliminating Rude when he grabs the rope to help himself back in and Rude goes over the top. Rude's tights were pretty cool tonight, for what it's worth. So we're here for Perfect's big moment and he hits the Perfect Plex. Hogan hulks up and hits a catapult into the post. Hogan sends him over the top and that's all. This was an entertaining match, but also the booking of Hogan winning just doesn't make sense to me. He's already the champion, why does he need to win? The first portion of the match was probably the highlight from a match quality standpoint and the Warrior/Hogan standoff is probably the moment that everyone remembers. Perfect got the final spot, but wasn't treated as a threat, so it meant nothing. 

Match Rating: ***1/4

I would say that this is one of those shows that you would like better if you were watching it live and were looking back on it. I wasn't a fan just yet, but rented this one quite a bit. The crowd was hot for just about everything (even Red Rooster), but overall, WrestleMania VI is a much better show than this one. 

Overall Rating: 61%

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