Thursday, August 28th, 1986
Exhibition Stadium
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
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Off The Grid, Volume 49:
Like a lot of the shows I cover for Off The Grid, I have never seen this one before. Gene Okerlund does a lengthy pre-show hype video that uses footage filmed via helicopter from the show. We then go right to the ring for introductions.
Killer Bees vs. Jimmy Jack Funk & Hoss Funk
No Terry here is a shame. It may be just 1986 technology working against them, but it certainly doesn't sound like a big crowd is there. It also may just be the match. The Bees dominate early, showcasing their teamwork. They seemingly cut the match and it goes to the Bees putting their masks on, which is one of the dumbest things of the era. It of course pays off and a switch allows for a small package victory. It's stupid on two levels. One, it is a heel move and they aren't criticized for that. Two, Brian Blair's hair sticks out of the mask and Jim Brunzell's doesn't. I know these are obvious points to those who watched during the era, but I had to say it. The match stunk.
Match Rating: 1/2*
King Tonga vs. Magnificent Muraco
It's weird to see Haku as a face in the WWF. They are working at a snail's pace, so I cheated and this one ends in a time limit draw as I was guessing. I think the biggest misconception of old wrestling is that you hear all of these stories of matches going so long and time limit draws and all that jazz. I guarantee you those matches were so slow and boring. Obviously this era was probably the worst for that, as no one cared about cardio and just wanted to be jacked up, so that doesn't help the cause either. After tons of rest holds, Muraco goes up top and takes forever, so of course Tonga throws him off the top. They keep referring to him as Haku instead of Tonga. Haku does a cross body, but it's not enough before the time limit runs out. This show is off to a great start.
Match Rating: 1/4*
Ted Arcidi vs. Tony Garea
Are they just trying to torture us? It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out who is going to this one. Garea hits a dropkick to knock Arcidi down. Arcidi then catches him and puts him in a bear hug for the win. After the bell, he doesn't release the hold until forced to. Awful.
Match Rating: 1/4*
Okerlund interviews Jimmy Hart ahead of Adrian Adonis's match with Junkyard Dog. Adonis pulls him away as he starts getting hot and onto the ring.
Adrian Adonis vs. Junkyard Dog
There are lots of edits in this show. Anything to make this shorter is fine with me. We get some shenanigans early on where JYD shoves away the referee and Jimmy Hart sprays the perfume in his eyes. They are brawling outside the ring and I will say the crowd does like JYD, but this match is also pretty bad. Adonis ends up going over the top rope onto Hart and they call it a countout? Dude, this era sucked so bad if people could remove their rose colored glasses.
Match Rating: 1/4*
Dick Slater vs. Iron Mike Sharpe
I can't imagine why a guy wearing a confederate flag in a New York based promotion didn't get over as a babyface. Proof that Vince was always a moron. More proof was this match existing. We get Sharpe's trademark in match yelling at least here. Ernie Ladd and Gorilla Monsoon are gushing about Sharpe's conditioning, proving my other point of how cardio sucked during this era. We get an edit again and we have Gorilla just calling moves any move he wants. Slater hits a double ax handle off the top rope and that's all. Shockingly, this also sucked.
Match Rating: 1/4*
Bobby Heenan is with Mean Gene and he talks about how he is going to unmask the Machines and Paul Orndorff is going to become the new WWF Champion tonight.
King Kong Bundy, Big John Studd & Bobby Heenan vs. Super Machine, Big Machine & Captain Lou Albano
We get a lot of stalling before the bell, which is kind of odd for a show that has been so heavily edited. It's kind of amazing to me that I'm the same age as Bobby Heenan is here. It doesn't take long for Giant Machine to get involved on the outside. I am really trying to care about this show, I swear. The match eventually breaks down and the crowd is into this. It just leads to Giant Machine getting in the ring and causing the disqualification. This match was another terrible match on a card full of them so far. Surely this next one has to change that.
Match Rating: 1/4*
Snakepit Match
Jake Roberts vs. Ricky Steamboat
A Snakepit Match is just simply a No DQ match for those curious. These two go right at it until Jake is able to roll out of the ring. Jake is able to take control of the match once it spills outside. Jake tries to use a chair, but Steamboat battles back and uses it himself. Back in the ring, Steamboat hits a top rope chop for a 2 count. The action spills outside again and once again Jake regains control. Jake gets too cocky and this allows a bloodied Steamboat to get the surprise victory. This was hardly a very good match, but it was so much better than everything else so far tonight.
Match Rating: **1/4
Hercules Hernandez vs. Billy Jack Haynes
Now for some reason Ernie Ladd and Johnny V left Gorilla to announce by himself. Just to confirm that this match will be terrible, Hercules puts on a bear hug about 45 seconds in. Did you know Haynes is from Portland? Did you also know that he is likely a murderer? Haynes rolls up Hercules with a backslide and gets the win. No one cares.
Match Rating: 1/4*
Rougeau Brothers vs. Dream Team
This one at least has some potential. Johnny V is really upset that he's not managing his team and is stuck at the top of the stadium announcing. I don't think anyone would be upset if he were to leave the booth. For some odd reason, Greg Valentine has the same color tights and boots as the Rougeaus. How did they not notice that? This referee is also the slowest counter that I think I have seen in a WWF ring. We get a pretty standard match here that gets lots of time, which on this show means it's a masterpiece. Jacques gets a hot tag but is slowed down when he misses with a knee off the second rope. Valentine slaps on the Figure Four and withstands the pain until Raymond illegally breaks it up. Raymond does a sunset flip behind the referee's back and for some reason it is allowed with him not being the legal man. I hate stupid booking like that. This was fine.
Match Rating: **
Harley Race vs. Pedro Morales
I assure you, no one wanted to see Morales wrestling in 1986. How are there still 20+ minutes left on this show? This is one of the slowest moving matches you'll see. We get some stupid finish where Race trips up Morales and he uses the ropes for leverage. This was terrible.
Match Rating: 1/4*
WWF Championship Match
Paul Orndorff vs. Hulk Hogan
Orndorff attacks Hogan as the referee is checking on him and we get a brawl to start. The referee pulls Hogan's hair to get him off Orndorff in a strange move. Heenan gets in a cheap shot and Orndorff takes advantage of Hogan chasing Heenan. Orndorff hits a suplex on the outside and for some reason, Orndorff thinks it's a good idea to let Hogan recover on the outside. Orndorff argues with the referee, so Hogan hits him with a knee right into the ref. What a role model Hogan is. Hogan goes for a piledriver, but Heenan hits him from behind with a stool. The referee finally crawls over and slaps three times on Orndorff's shoulder. Orndorff celebrates, but Gorilla isn't buying it. Fink announces that Hogan wins by disqualification. Just an absolutely trash way to book your main event. Orndorff attacks Hogan while wearing the belt. He then goes to hit Hogan with the belt, but it's blocked and Hogan buries him. He hits the boot and Orndorff rolls out of the ring. This was a pretty decent enough main event until the ending.
Match Rating: **3/4
This was one of the worst major wrestling shows that I have ever watched. There were no redeeming qualities, the presentation was terrible, the announcing was bad and the wrestling was atrocious. Just a complete thumbs down.
Overall Rating: 15%
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